Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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