I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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