Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
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soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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