I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize