Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
