With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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