Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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