Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
