ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
