Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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