Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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