chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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