and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
