hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
