I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
