I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
