One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
