dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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