I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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