smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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