is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
