Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
