He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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