omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
