Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
