i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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