i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
