Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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