all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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