just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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