i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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