I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
