that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
babies were throwing up all over the place
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
