My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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