Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have demons in me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize