Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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