K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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