did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
