i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Randomize
