I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
