last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
