Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
