he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
