She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
