Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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