I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
