I must be too annoying 4 u.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
