Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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