i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
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at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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