I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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