Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
