well I can't set my house on fire every night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
