Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
