We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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