and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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