dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Small penises have feelings too.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?