The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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