I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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