i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
