I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
