how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
