Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
only you would photoshop your dick
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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