Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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