great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
