if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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