Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
