Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
