listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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