I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
