Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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