i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
