I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
