Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
