Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's always time for handjobs
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
