Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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