I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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