Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
