You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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