i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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